Death to Cupid

Honestly, fuck Valentine’s Day. Sure, it seems like a nice idea. And for the record, we love candy and flowers and sex and love. But at this point, the romance-industrial complex has turned the entire thing into a ridiculously expensive, high-pressure fake holiday that’s no fun for anyone, whether you’re single or in a relationship. So we created a gift for all of us to enjoy—our very first game!

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It’s time to blow off some steam and take it out on the little guy responsible for it all: Cupid. He’s been slinging arrows at us for years! Finally, the tables have turned. Damn Joan’s first game lets you unleash vengeance on a selection of chubby cherubs—then you can have a victory chocolate afterward.  

The object is to kill as many cupids as you can in 60 seconds. You’ll choose a weapon, then use the arrow keys to navigate through the game. When you see a target, hit the space bar to fire.
 

KILL THE CUPIDS!
 

 Game design and development: Joe Laquinte. Art and animation: Will Herring. Music composition: Danny Ryan at James Warburton Music. Background art: Sam Strick. 

Christian Greywings image: Donovan Henneberg-Verity via Flickr, JBC Productions/Aussie Rope Works via Wikimedia. Drake image: WENN Ltd/Alamy Stock Photo. Daddy Deity image: Olivier via Wikimedia. Vegetable Chubby image: CO MANIA via Flickr. Fabio image: Donaldson Collection/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images. Ryan Gosling image: Everett Collection Inc/Alamy Stock Photo. Touchy Tot image: CO MANIA via Flickr. Kanye West image: Allstar Picture Library/Alamy Stock Photo. Kim Kardashian image: London Red carpet/Alamy Stock Photo. Hookup Chub image: Barb Steinacker via Flickr.