THE DIAGNOSIS TRANSCRIPT
Subtitle: Bekah FlyI’m a host for this, and it’s trying to kill me.
I didn’t know how to talk to doctors yet, at all. Like, I didn’t know how to use their lingo, so I was just like this weird little tattooed person. They’d test me for AIDS, “Are you on heroin?” Like, whatever. It was strange. I didn’t know what was going on.
I probably got it when I was, like, 20, and I probably had it for maybe a year and a half before I figured out what it was.
I couldn’t get up at all. Like, it was like strobe lights all the time, dizzy. Sometimes my mouth would fill up with blood. I started getting all these weird infections. Intense fatigue was a main thing.
I remember my blood feeling intensely hot. I would go to the ER, and they would be like, “That doesn’t mean anything.” I just didn't have any faith in doctors at that point, because I just kept seeing them and they just kept telling me I was crazy.
When I found out I had Lyme, I was like, “No fucking way. I have this, like, weird-ass, seemingly incurable disease.” I think they should put signs up on the road. I really do. Like, “Danger.” Like, “This could kill you. Wear pants. Don’t roll around naked in this part of the woods,” which is what I was doing [laughs]. So, yeah.
I just wish that somebody could help me, on a real intensive [inaudible]. I got this burning pain, it’s just like riding these waves, riding these waves. I don’t want to die. I just want to not have this be my life.
I’m having a really hard time at this point. You know, new symptoms, old symptoms. I’m taking a fuck-ton of really hardcore antifungal meds. It’s all the infections that strip your body down. Like, it’s both the treatment options that are available and, you know, the disease itself.
I have this fear of dreaming, really. Fear of dreaming for the future.
Your health is a fucking lottery ticket. You have a fucking body immune system. You want to run away, like you can run away. Like, I can’t run away from this. There’s nowhere for me to go.
I guess for seven years—maybe eight or seven. Since I was like, you know, 20. And...I don’t know. I’m tired.
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