Alia Shawkat Gives an F Transcript

Kim...Kourtney, Kendall, Kathy.

Don’t they all have K’s? 

DAMN JOAN PRESENTS

Are there more? There’s one more? Two more!

ALIA SHAWKAT

THINGS I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT

I don’t give a fuck about the Kardashians because I am blissfully unaware of their importance and yet there’s a lot of importance by other people.

(AND A FEW THINGS I DO)

Um, I’ve never seen the show. Yeah,  I don’t have anything against them but truly nothing comes to mind when I think about the Kardashians. I’m like...people.

THE ACADEMY AWARDS

I think it’s just like, a bunch of, you know, already rich fancy people getting dressed up even fancier and they cry about winning an award because of an acting job they did. It’s like, I respect acting but that’s a little too much. 

And it would always be like, my mom was like, “maybe one day you’ll win one!” and I was like “yeah maybe!” And now I’m just like “ugh.”

ALONE TIME

I think we all have a natural aversion to the idea of being lonely. And I think being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. It feels hard when you haven’t done it in a while. Like slow down, don’t grab your phone, just read another chapter, and when you get into it all of the sudden the rest of your day feels a lot better. It’s like paced out, you’re a little more present.

Sometimes I think I take a little too much alone time because then I’m done and I’m like, “hello!? I’m done with alone time is anyone there!”

But yeah I think it’s so valuable and I hope that more people do it.

TWITTER

I don’t find the benefit in it, because the goal is to communicate, and that’s why in some ways it’s powerful. One idea can reach so many right away. But I think what we’re having a huge problem with is communicating with humans in general. It feels...it’s not genuine.

And yeah, some people definitely don’t need it.

NYT CROSSWORD

I do give a fuck about the New York Times Crossword Puzzle. It really gets me going in the morning. It wakes up my brain. I learn new words. I am definitely a paper, all the way. I like drawing on it, I like the pen. All about it.

When I’m around people, you ask them a question, it kind of gets everyone on a similar topic. And it’s like, it brings everyone out of their own thing, and it’s just like “Yeah! Let’s figure this out, what was the neighbor’s name of…” you know whatever.

SEX

I think it’s a weird thing not to give a fuck about. It’s ok if you’re not into sex, but, I think it’s really healthy. As long as it’s done appropriately and with consent. 
I heard this thing the other day that when you have an orgasm or when you laugh are the two times you forget about mortality, and like, that fucking makes sense to me. So when I’m like orgasming whether by my own pleasure or someone else, hopefully, you’re just in ecstasy. 

And if you can laugh and orgasm you’re fucking set, you’re doing great.

GUILT

You know not too long ago I kind of made a decision, where I was like, I’m not gonna hurt myself over feeling guilty for something I can’t change in the past. I can learn from it and from this point moving onward, change that.

The emotion of guilt feels like a waste of time to me. To sit there and worry about it and wonder what could happen if you didn’t do it and feeling bad that you did that, I just think it would help people move on a bit quicker.

And still be responsible for your actions and stuff, there’s guilt there, but I don’t think you should carry it around for very long. And obviously with the views that we have in the middle east, it’s a very false view, especially attaching it to islam and extremists. Even smart people don’t really understand that they’re like, “well, Muslims are pretty...crazy.”

MIDDLE EASTERN CULTURE

My family on my dad’s side are you know, are Arabs, Muslim from Iraq. Eventually you know in my work, just to discuss it in a normalcy way, making stuff that’s about a first generation family or whatever, to just show that it’s just like any other culture.

And the timing is ripe for it to happen.

And also the food is great, everybody loves falafel, like that’s part of it! That’s what we’re talking about here! We’re not talking about the blood of virgins, like, let’s keep it chill.

DAMNJOAN.COM

I think we’re done, I think we got it.