Things We Love to Hate
By Damn Joan Staff
This month’s infuriating, insufferable objects of our inconsistent, possibly unhinged ire.
• • •
1. Designer pot.
2. A wet sponge left in a sink full of dishes. Ew.
3. Fancy versions of Funfetti instead of OG Funfetti.
4. Having to wash lights and darks separately.
5. Your dog’s interest in my crotch.
6. Anyone who says they’re going to “Africa.” Oh, you’re going to all of the countries?
7. Other people’s phone notification sounds.
8. Cars that can park themselves and yet still allow their drivers to honk for no reason.
9. People who send us links to podcasts even though we don’t listen to podcasts.
10. Mandatory coat check.
11. Fork biting. I see you. I wonder who raised you.
12. Conversations about canned soda vs. bottled soda.
13. Conversations about soda in general.
14. Wet doorknobs.
15. Mushy apples. If I wanted that, I’d have applesauce.
16. The move away from headphone jacks and toward brain cancer.
17. The heartbreak of dead plants. We try so hard.
18. Men who wish to participate in feminist discussions using their mouths when their ears should be doing the work.
19. Undelivered text messages.
20. Chairs that look comfortable but are actually torture devices.
21. People who knit things for you without asking.
22. When your phone indicates it’s connected to WiFi even though it clearly ISN’T.