Things We Love to Hate
By Damn Joan Staff
Wherein we celebrate the joy of minor irritations.
• • •
1. People who ask to try on my glasses.
2. Dryer sheets. What are they and why do we need them? A chemically-soaked wad of paper in every load of laundry can't be good.
3. Being told seltzer is bad for me.
4. Watching the recycling I lovingly sorted get tossed in with the trash.
5. People who say, “Maybe he needs a friend” whenever my cat tries to kill me.
6. Not being allowed to use the toothbrush of the person I am having the sex with. Newsflash: If I’ve got anything, you’ve already been exposed.
7. Anyone who wishes to discuss calories, weight, or anything related to the human body and its size in a business setting.
8. Jimmy Kimmel hosting the Oscars.
9. Hidden hashtags on Instagram posts.
10. The complete entitlement of getting married on a Friday and expecting other people to attend. People with jobs. Who have to work. On Fridays.
11. Running out of dry shampoo.
12. Having to wash your hair because you ran out of dry shampoo.
13. People who talk about their Instagram “presence” as if it matters.
15. Chapped lips and dry hands. Dehydration in general.
16. People who still think mixing prints is a questionable move.
17. The way that public water fountains seem to have gone the way of the pay phone. Surely someone sees the connection between this and all the empty plastic water bottles stinking up the earth.
18. Not noticing when someone says hi to you in passing until it’s too late. Soz!
19. Laptop crumbs. We can only blame ourselves.
20. People whose idea of civic engagement is making jokes about the news on Twitter.